How to Navigate the Three “Biggies” of Holiday Emotions
Let’s face it. The holidays can be a minefield.
Beck’s post last week, on when you want to say No to the Ho-Ho-Ho, brought that reality home for me. Sometimes we’re far from our families and the traditions we love best. Sometimes we’re far too close to some family members who make us grit our teeth. And sometimes the holidays bring up trigger emotions that leave us all off-kilter and teetering on the edge.
Which one of us hasn’t been there?
On the other hand, though, there’s something to be said for the pleasures of these last few weeks of the year. Maybe they mean more hours of quiet, contemplative darkness or else, if you live in the southern hemisphere, more hours of bright, energetic sunshine. With hours-at-the-office generally reduced in either case, maybe you’ll take advantage of the time to gather with friends and family or else spend some much-needed time alone to recharge your batteries.
No matter which side of the see-saw you land on, I’d like to share a few suggestions to keep in mind these next few weeks, that you can put it to use whether the holidays are “your thing” or not.
Three Things We All Need:
If the spectrum of holiday emotions had boundaries, these would be the three chalk lines: feeling safe, feeling satisfied, and feeling connected. We tend to react, positively or negatively, when any one of those three feelings are set into motion.
The good news is that we can practice the same sequence of responses, whether the situation registers as “good” or “bad.”
First step: when an emotion arises, see if you can notice that that’s what’s happening. It can be as simple as, “Boy, my whole attitude just went from ‘Doing good!’ to ‘Argh!’”
Second step: when you notice what’s happened, see if you can pause there. Give yourself a minute or two if you can, just to sit with the emotion for a few breaths.
Third step: get curious. Maybe see if you can get a little more specific about the emotion. Go through the three “biggie” emotions (safe, satisfied, connected) and see if one of them hits the nail on the head, either positively or negatively.
· SAFE: Did someone just pull the carpet out from under me? (Feeling unsafe.) Or, this person may as well have just wrapped me up in my own security blanket. (Feeling sale.)
· SATISFIED: I can’t believe I just ate FOUR cookies and blew up my calorie count for the day. (Feeling dissatisfied.) Or, Today’s end-of-year performance review reminds me of how much I love working for this company. (Feeling satisfied.)
· CONNECTED: Your ornery uncle resurrects – AGAIN – an embarrassing incident from your childhood while at the dinner table with your extended family present and listening. (Feeling disconnected.) Or, Your ornery uncle realizes you aren’t that awkward kid anymore, says as much at the dinner table, and your whole extended family has a laugh over it? (Feeling connected.)
Notice what’s happening. Pause there. And then get curious about which of the three main needs is getting triggered.
If we can do these three things, then we’ve given ourselves a fighting chance. In a negative situation, we’ve given ourselves the fighting chance of not flying off the handle. In a position situation, we’ve given ourselves the fighting chance to relish the experience even more, and refine the neural pathways of how that impacts us.
I wish that for you as we head into these last few weeks of the year. For more noticing, that is, and fewer kneejerk reactions. I wish for your safety, however you define it. I wish for your satisfaction, at work and especially at home. And I wish, always, for feeling more connected more often.
Thank you for sharing the space of A Balanced Glass this year.
Namaste,
Cathy
What We're Reading:
There's no shortage of wine stories and media inundating our IN Boxes. Here's what has piqued our interest this week.
How can I set Boundaries for the Holidays? Greater Good Science Center.com
Follow these steps to avoid becoming overextended this season.
How to Take a Yogic Approach to Work for Workplace Wellness - Wellbeing.com.au
"Applying a yogic approach to create a more harmonious working environment that focuses on cultivating wellness can make all the difference in improving workplace mental health and avoiding burnout before it takes hold."
Meet the Community!
Our community is only as strong as the company we keep, and here we meet some of the folks who make our profession so dynamic.
Kathleen “Kat” Thomas, Wine Education and Training Manager, The Hakkasan Group, Las Vegas (USA)
Years in the Industry:
My years in the industry of hospitality must include, and start, with my time in charge of the crouton placement on salads at dinner when I was just 4 years old. Oh how proud I was to have that job, though many times the amount of croutons that actually made it into the salad were sparse as I thoroughly enjoyed them.
It wasn’t until 8 years ago when I truly felt the joy and fear of the study of wine when I was given a chance to be a floor sommelier, though without any knowledge of where Champagne was on a map, and yet I was hooked after day 3 on the service floor. If it hadn’t been for the patience and care of my two mentors and teammates at the restaurant, Jeff Eichelberger and Daniele Tavernaro, I’m not so certain I would’ve survived. It was from here I began the passionate, crazy and loving journey wrapped into serious intention to where I write to you now.
My Biggest Challenge to Wellness?
Being able to stop. I get “addicted” to learning and the go-go-go of it all and all of a sudden there’s the mandatory break in the pattern and I don’t know what exactly to do with myself. At this point there’s a period of self-sabotage that occurs where I ponder why I’m being so “lazy” which draws me into a low vibration period and I keep myself there even knowing I can easily fix it by getting back out of the house, seeing friends and interacting with my body and mind in healthier ways. Le sigh, a cycle I am still improving upon.
How I Keep it Together to Stay Well:
I used to run...a lot, and over the years worked out obsessively, which brought me to have one of my hips replaced last June. I now am listening to my body as I move through my yoga and running practices. If it hurts I give it love. Love used to equal pain for me so it’s been a path of discovery to relearn this and activate my cells to “think” differently.
You can connect with Kat on Facebook, Instagram @Winegoddesslv Twitter @yoga_kat or MoreThanSomm.com
Let’s Meet Up!
As work life has it, we are traveling over the next few months and would love to see you!
Presenters at the Unified Wine & Grape Symposium in Sacramento, February 4 to 6 (Beck and Cathy)
Presenter at Wine Paris, February 10 to 12 (Cathy)
Presenter at the Vancouver International Wine Festival, February 25 to 29 (Cathy)
Presenter at the Wine Marketing & Tourism Conference in Eugene, Oregon, March 3 to 5 (Cathy)
Attendee at ProWein in Düsseldorf, March 15 to 17 (Cathy)
Guest Instructor at Bologna Business School, April 7 to 9 (Cathy)
Attendee at Vinitaly in Verona, April 19 to 22 (Beck)
Presenter at the Future Wine Expo in Santa Rosa, May 12 and 13 (Cathy)
Drop a line to rebecca@abalancedglass.com or cathy@enolytics.com if you are interested in getting together for practice, a chat or a great glass together.
