This is Us, Being Vulnerable
These past few weeks I’ve gotten curious about feeling vulnerable.
It’s been the prevailing sentiment, both when I’m busy with others and vulnerability catches me off guard, and when I’m quiet and alone and vulnerability rises to the surface.
There are so many different versions of vulnerable.
In some ways we try hard not to be vulnerable. We exercise and strength train to not be vulnerable to falls, broken bones or cardiovascular disease. We seek gainful employment to not be vulnerable to financial hardship. We communicate proactively with our partners to not be vulnerable to conflict in our relationship.
In other ways, at a broader scale, we are vulnerable to forces and decisions that seem out of our control. Random acts of violence. Systemic racism, sexism and ageism. Weather events classified as “acts of God.” Supreme Court rulings.
In yet more ways, we’re encouraged to be vulnerable. In positions of leadership, to show that we struggle too. With our children, to love anyway and without condition. With our lovers, to invite the trust, relief and authenticity that vulnerability brings.
The messages are varied and, though contradictory, they are all also true. Be vulnerable. Don’t be vulnerable. Be vulnerable anyway.
How do we make sense of it?
Maybe we can start by noticing our reactions to feeling vulnerable, which of course has to do with the context or situation.
When vulnerability is shaded negatively – when we’re afraid and have shifted into protection mode of our physical bodies or emotional well-being – then we push people away who have tried to reach out with kindness. We refrain from experimenting and taking risks. We withdraw and constrict, rather than extend and open.
Shifting into protection mode reminds me of this quote attributed to the fictional poet Ruth Zardo, in Louise Penny’s novel Bury Your Dead:
Who hurt you, once,
So far beyond repair
That you would meet each overture
With curling lip?
That’s when vulnerability, shaded negatively, takes on a posture of suspicion, snarl and self-preservation. When our ability to trust has been damaged, and there is no way we’ll be duped into exposing ourselves again.
But when vulnerability is shaded positively – when we recognize it’s a vulnerable moment but we step into it anyway, without the curling lip – then our reactions take on a distinctly different dynamic. When we feel vulnerable positively, we say yes to offers of help, without suspicion, rather than push them away. We step into experiments – a new exercise, a different role, new friends outside our typical circles, unusual foods or drinks or restaurants or neighborhoods. We approach situations with palms up and open, ready to give or receive as the opportunity unfolds.
Which version of vulnerability are you currently living?
Which one would you rather live?
Either way, maybe spend some time noticing this week. When you feel vulnerable, and why. Whether it’s a moment of positive or negative vulnerability. How trust factors into it. And especially your reaction to vulnerability, with curled lip or open palms.
I hope you’ll let me know how it goes. I’m here with palms up.
Namaste,
Cathy
What We're Reading:
Here's what has piqued our interest this week in the world of wine and mindfulness.
Drinking alone when younger linked to alcoholism in mid-30s, by Sandee LaMott for CNN
Teenagers, especially girls, and young adults who drink alone are more likely to abuse alcohol later in life, new study finds.
Spirituality linked to better health outcomes and patient care, by Nicole Rura in the Harvard Gazette
Spirituality should be incorporated into care for both serious illness and overall health.
It’s Time to Embrace Slow Productivity – The New Yorker
We need fewer things to work on. Starting now.
Is Your Burnout From Too Much Work or Too Little Impact? Harvard Business Review
Simply put, burnout isn’t necessarily a function of too much work; burnout is more often the result of too little impact.
Meet the Community!
Here we meet some of the talented folks who make our industry so dynamic.
Priyanka Dhar French, Winemaker, Signorello Estate Napa Valley, California (USA)
Years in the Industry:
I’ve been in the industry since 2009 when I moved to the US to pursue my Masters in Viticulture and Enology at UC-Davis. My first cellar internship was in 2010 which was followed by more winemaking internships and experiences in different parts of the world till I landed my first full time cellar job in 2014. I’ve been based in Napa since 2013.
My Top Three Challenges to Wellness:
Staying consistent with my routines. I definitely have an interest and desire to maintain wellness-based activities and routines in my daily life. With winemaking, the annual calendar fluctuates in terms of workload demand, and I find that during those busier times, I let go off my personal time and the self-care routines that truly add value to my overall well-being. When that changes, it takes me a little motivation to get back into the groove, which is where I lose the consistency of really sticking with the program. As I get older, I am getting better at sticking to those blocks in the daily calendar and carving the time for my needs.
Saying No. This is one of the aspects of my personality that I have really been actively working on. I’m very passionate about the industry and have been fortunate to have met equally motivated and hard-working colleagues and friends. Between juggling roles at work and my involvement with organizations supporting good, crucial work for the progress of our industry in general, I realized very quickly that my plate was getting quite full. It was tough to not want to be a part of some of the amazing teams that I was asked to join, chances to work with people I’ve looked up to and the opportunities to develop relationships with those that I admire. My biggest realization of learning to say NO was when I noted that my ability to truly contribute wasn’t as powerful because I was always hurried and rushed. My focus for this year has been to accept the limit to what I am able to do and to focus on doing those things truly well.
Diet and Lifestyle. The wine industry is unique in that a lot of our work continues post the usual work hour window into social events, winemaker dinners and more. With those obligations, it became apparent quickly that I needed to be conscientious of how I balance my diet during the rest of the time. Some weeks I can be really good about it and some weeks I end up indulging, but I have become better at choosing food items when eating out and being smart about navigating those events. My biggest progress has been with water! I’m obsessed with staying hydrated which is something I was not very good at before. My husband is an avid water drinker, and I am thrilled that this good habit is rubbing off on me!
How I Keep It Together to Stay Well
I truly believe the idea of “being and staying well” evolves as we grow and age. Listening to my body has become important to me. The physical work of harvests and winemaking in general, wears you down and previous injuries have taught me the tough way to learn to be more attentive to what your body is telling you. Being mindful about the small things – an ache here, a tight muscle there really adds up to how you address them before they are exacerbated.
I also use my personality traits to help with wellness which is making lists. Sometimes you just got to prioritize! It also gives perspective to tasks that can be delayed and to those that need immediate attention and more importantly, to those that can be delegated. I’m learning to lean on the people around me and to be better about asking for help.
I started bullet-journaling a few years back and it really helps me to look at my life on a macro and micro level. My pages change every year and I start the year with marking weekends to focus on myself, my relationships and friendships that add to the joy and positivity in my life. I have pages that focus on the months, the weeks, and the days and towards aligning dreams, efforts, failures into successes. Initially it felt like I was adding more work but those 15 minutes that I spend on it every day give me a chance for reflection and thought and is an integral part of my daily routine.
One of the most important things at the end of the day is not be hard on yourself. I realized this was a big issue with my efforts to stay consistent. If I veered off the routine or indulged, I would be mentally pulling myself down and this would in turn affect the motivation and momentum of habit creation. Now, I am learning to be not hard on myself and to wake up each day knowing that we have the opportunity to be better, make better decisions for ourselves and for our wellbeing.
Being well is a mental, physical and emotional journey which is a lot easier when you choose to do it with kindness.
What Inspires Me:
Inspiration comes in so many different forms! Constantly educating myself and to keep learning is vital to me. Sometimes inspiration comes from a colleague, a speaker, a song lyric, being in the outdoors, walking the vineyards with my dog Chloe, a sweet gesture from a friend, an article about an exceptional person, work or movement that I came across. I am definitely a dreamer, so I keep my heart and mind open about the world. I love reading and I have authors that have helped shaped my purpose and ambitions.
A Quote I Love:
“To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.” – The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
You can connect with Priyanka on Instagram at @priyad87 Facebook at Priyanka French.
