5 Ideas for Balancing Deadlines with Self-Compassion
Deadlines.
In the space of about five seconds, any one of us can reel off a dozen or so deadlines we’re facing, from replying to urgent emails to project deliverables at work to back-to-school paperwork for our kids.
Deadlines are inescapable. Which, in the interest of our personal mental health, also means that self-compassion is not optional.
I realize that the “self-compassion is not optional” half of that paragraph is the one most likely to fall by the wayside, despite our best intentions or “I know I should do that” acknowledgment.
This week I’m going to advocate for it anyway. We truly believe it’s that important, especially as we’re on the cusp of the fall-and-winter busy seasons at home and at work.
On one hand are deadlines. On another hand is self-compassion. The key, I think, is recognizing that those two things are not diametrically opposed or mutually exclusive.
So let me hover for a moment in the space in between, and share some strategies for striking the balance.
I’m here to report that it’s possible. In real life, that is. As we face deadlines, and value self-compassion at the same time.
Here are five ideas that work for me.
1. Being as nice to myself as I am to my friends when any of us make a mistake. I’m at the ready to say to someone else, “No worries!” Or, “It happens!” Or, “Let figure this out another way.” It turns out that it’s also possible to say those things to myself. (I know. Who knew?)
2. Count a 30-minute meditation break as part of my working hours. An experiment I’ve tried recently “logs” the amount of time I spend on various tasks throughout the day. I got curious about the realization, illustrated right in front of me in black and white, that “self-care” or “self-compassion” was nowhere to be found on that log, despite how effective I know it is to boosting my productivity toward every other task. So I started putting it there – I started allowing for meditation to “count” toward my working hours – and it’s made a huge difference, both for my mental health and my productivity.
3. Planning ahead. This one is so much easier said than done, especially if “project management” is not part of our natural toolkits (as it isn’t for me). But it’s worth developing the practice. Think of it like planning a road trip. Schedule the “destination” (or the deadline) and then – this is the part I had been missing – also schedule touchpoints that indicate progress along the way. Scheduling both the big deadline and the small deadlines en route, so to speak, somehow allows the space for “pitstops” of self-compassion, because you know what’s coming, what’s expected, and how much time you have to get from Point A to Point B.
4. Sharing responsibility. This one goes hand-in-hand with “Planning ahead,” above. Who are our co-pilots? How many deadlines can be mutual deadlines? How much of the responsibility can be shared? In my experience, the answer is often “more than I allowed myself to believe.” I just had to ask the question first about shared responsibility, in order to open the door to others who can help with the deadlines. At the same time we open that door, we’re also letting in the fresh air of self-compassion.
5. Find a way to laugh. My dog, Karma, has an uncanny ability to start playing with her squeaky toy at exactly those moments when the see-saw of “deadline” and “self-compassion” is veering far off-balance and in the wrong direction. So I step away from whatever I’m doing, get down on the floor with her, and play. We both laugh. (I swear.) That’s self-compassion, which refuels my tank and I return to work on the deadline, feeling refreshed.
That’s one of my ways to laugh – with Karma’s help. What are yours? What other ways do you find to balance deadlines with self-compassion?
Please let us know. We can all definitely benefit from a more extensive toolkit for this.
Namaste,
Cathy
What We're Reading:
Here's what has piqued our interest this week in the world of wine and mindfulness.
Parents: Time to Rethink Your Child’s Relationship with Screen Time – HBR.org
Tips for relaunching media limits after a pandemic free-for-all
Do Not Despair - Jack Kornfield.com
Many of us wrestle with our response to the sufferings of the country and the world. The Buddhist approach to this collective suffering is to turn toward it. Modern neuroscience shows us that we can go beyond the primitive brain’s fearful responses and grow in mindfulness and compassion.
Want to Boost Your Well-Being at Work and Get More Done? Forgive Your Colleagues – Mindful.org
Ever carry a grudge or harbor revenge fantasies about a colleague or boss? It’s likely costing you and your workplace.
5 Must-Have Books for Every Wine Lover's Library - Pixwine.com
Increase your wine knowledge with these five page-turners.
40 Under 40 Tastemakers of 2021 – Wine Enthusiast.com
Meet the people shaping the future of wine, beer, cider and spirits. This is Wine Enthusiast’s 40 Under 40 Tastemakers.
Meet the Community!
Here we meet some of the talented folks who make our community profession so dynamic.
Tyke Jones, Web Developer & Content Manager, A Balanced Glass (San Francisco, USA)
Years in Industry:
Born and raised in Napa, California, I’ve been in the technology industry for 15 years, and another six years as a front-end developer. I spent four years as the Director of Client accounts with an eLearning and eCompliance solutions firm designed to adhere to FINRA's regulatory requirements and six years designing and building social media marketing platforms and online contests for artisan food producers. Now my wine involvement is as an avid consumer and helping to support the growth of ABG’s online and web content.
My Top Three Challenges to Wellness
One of my biggest challenges is just getting out the door. I constantly get push back from my 9-year-old when I try to get him out of the house for exercise. Once I do, he has a great time. I then realized that I am the same way. Going for a run through the Panhandle and Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, or biking to Ocean Beach isn't the hard part, talking myself into doing it is.
Making time for myself. The time is there, I just need to claim it. But, as the day goes on, it is what gets bumped for seemingly more important items.
Sleep can be a big challenge for me. I often go to bed too late and wake up too early. After a few days of not getting enough sleep I begin to feel extremely run down which will affect my eating and exercising habits.
How I Keep It Together to Stay Well:
Physically, I try to stay well with running and biking. I also enjoy hiking on the weekends whether it be urban or trails. I always try to take the stairs not the elevator. After dropping my son off at school, I run or walk home instead of bussing back. Mentally I remind myself I don't have to fill every minute of the day with something "productive". Sitting down at a cafe with coffee and watching the world for 20 or 30 minutes can really help me get in the right headspace.
What Inspires Me:
Listening to music inspires me. If I am home, music is playing. Food is another thing that really inspires me. Lately I have been listening to a lot of John Coltrane while making dinner, and The Mother Hips are always on rotation! I love cookbooks, cooking shows, and cooking. I am always trying to learn to make something new in the kitchen, the more difficult the better. It sometimes takes a while, but once I get it right, I move on to the next challenge. French Macarons are my current Everest.
A Quote I Love
“Sometimes you just have to pee in the sink” - Charles Bukowski
You can connect with Tyke on Instagram @tykejones
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