ABG Moms Say the Darndest Things
ABG Moms say the darndest things, and I don’t just mean our Aussie friends from last week’s post! (Though, you have to admit, they pretty much take the cake, swearing and all.)
Beck’s survey of Australian winemakers who are also mothers got me to thinking, this Mother’s Day weekend, of Moms I’ve met through ABG and various things they’ve said, often off-handedly. They’re things that caught my ear at the time and have stuck with me, sometimes for months or even years.
Here are a few examples that have been on my mind this week.
“I love to go to work, and I’m not sorry about it.”
Several ABG Moms have said this to me, and I’m pretty sure I’ve said it to other Moms in commiseration and agreement. It’s the anti-Mom-guilt statement, and my spirit cheers when I hear it.
“We’re expected to parent like we don’t have a job. And to work like we aren’t a parent.”
Jee Won Park said this during ABG’s webinar about parenting during the pandemic, and it simply hits the nail directly on the head. It’s an impossible conundrum, and there’s no easy solution. But that’s the other thing I’ll remember most about that parenting webinar: the goal wasn’t to offer solutions, but rather to simply share how parents in various situations are managing during COVID. Taking away the expectation of a perfect solution leaves plenty of space for compassion, and remembering that we are all doing the best we can.
“I’m mothering a daughter who’s overflowing with ‘leadership skills.’”
In her ABG Community profile, Larissa Dubose wrote this about her four year old daughter, and it struck me as both funny and poignant. Confident, opinionated young girls are a blessing IMO. The key is keeping them confident and opinionated as they grow older, in a culture that doesn’t necessarily admire either their confidence or their opinions. I love this Mother’s Day reminder to keep encouraging it when we see it, at whatever age.
“No matter what you tell yourself, 15 minutes is always doable for exercise.”
That was Devin Parr in her ABG Community profile. I read those “15 minutes is always doable” as referring not only to physical exercise and fitness but also to mental health and well-being. I’ve come back to the “always doable” piece again and again, when I think I’m too busy as a working parent either for cardio or meditation or both.
“This year was the birth of NO, for me.”
Alicia Towns Franken shared that perspective in her ABG Community profile, in the context of saying “no” to reclaim her time (even when it involved “making difficult decisions and brutal cuts”) and being fully present for the people and organizations she loves. It’s ironic. We’re so conditioned to say “yes” as mothers and workers, that saying “no” feels somehow like a revolutionary act.
“My kids drove me to drink! (Just not in the way you’d think.)”
I’ve said this myself, jokingly, when I’m asked about how I started in the wine industry. I began writing about wine when I first became a parent to twin boys, fifteen years ago. Not because being a new parent to twins drove me to drink! It was because my entire relationship to time changed when I became a Mom. I found myself with small 20-minute increments free at various points throughout the day, which was just enough time to make good headway on a blog post and, increasingly, I wanted that blog post to be about wine. That’s how wine writing started for me, and it’s intimately tied to my earliest days of motherhood and my affection for my children (as this Love Letter to Leo shows).
Let me close with the best wishes from Beck and me to all ABG Moms this Mother’s Day weekend. We wish we could send flowers to each one of you but, in lieu of that, we hope that you’ll take a few moments to bask in our appreciation for all that you do, that you have done, and that you will do.
Namaste,
Cathy
What We're Reading:
Here's what has piqued our interest this week in the world of wine and mindfulness.
AAPI Drinks Innovators, by Caroline Shin for SevenFifty Daily
These twelve leaders are shaping the beverage alcohol industry while trailblazing more opportunities for AAPI professionals.
3 Tips for Communicating Your Mental Health Needs with a Loved One, by Lena Schmidt for Chopra
Communication is key. Especially during these trying times, communication is more important than ever. Here are some general tips for communicating your mental health needs with a loved one.
Alcohol, Interrupted: COVID's Impact on Personal Wine Consumption, and Best Practices Moving Forward, by Cathy Huyghe for Forbes
The tangle of living conditions during COVID complicates our consumption and enjoyment of wine. Here are a few things to consider as we shift into the next phase of the pandemic.
Why Intelligent Minds Embrace the Rules of Focus, by Justin Bariso for Inc.com
Multitasking hurts more than it helps. Here's how to stop.
4 Steps to Face Challenges Mindfully, by John J. Murphy for Mindful Leader
Let’s face it. 2020 was an unprecedented year of disruption, challenge, and stress. We have all felt it one way or another – and so have the people we work with. Take a moment right now to reflect on this.
Meet the Community!
Here we meet some of the talented folks who make our community and profession so dynamic.
Courtney Cochran, Director, PR and Corporate Communications, Fetzer Vineyards (California, USA)
Years in Industry:
16. I took wine classes at night while working at Universal Music Group after college, and later earned a sommelier diploma on weekends while in business school at UCLA. I started HIP TASTES Events in the Bay Area, hosting wine parties in popular nightlife spots, and wrote a lighthearted “how-to” book about wine called “Hip Tastes” that was published by Viking Studio, an imprint of Penguin Group. I hosted events and wrote about wine while consulting on marketing and PR to some of the larger wine companies, eventually heading in-house at E&J Gallo Winery, then moving to Fetzer Vineyards, where I now oversee public relations and corporate communications for the company. I’ve experienced the industry as a newcomer and media personality, and now from the portfolio business side, with a bit of perspective and appreciation for change built up over the years. Along the way I married a winemaker, completing the cliché of a life fully immersed in wine (not that I’m complaining!), and became a mom.
My Top Three Challenges to Wellness:
At one point I recognized that a good life and career require lots of help, humility and support—the proverbial village. This recognition was important in that I started allowing myself to be more vulnerable. As I allowed room for questioning my motivations and aspirations, it became significantly easier to embrace wellness, to break patterns that weren’t serving me, and to broaden my perspective through the incorporation of lessons from others.
Here are a few things that are working for me right now, where wellness goes:
Staying realistic – I’ll say it: working out on a treadmill in my home office is kind of soul-wrenching. But when I went to the doctor last year for a mid-pandemic physical, I got some much-needed affirmation that my health was okay—along with essential advice on being realistic. “Don’t expect things to look like they used to,” wisely noted a nurse, also a working mom. I jazz up my treadmill workouts with great lighting, Bala Bangles, and good streaming shows, and complement that—when time allows—with tennis clinics, virtual studio yoga classes, strength training using free weights and a stability disk, and YouTube Booty Kicker videos.
Staying engaged – To me, what’s most important about wellness is stress abatement and creating the space to be creative, productive and fulfilled. I want to be strong and avoid injury, and have the energy to keep up with my family, so I do my best to be well in lots of small ways, without overthinking it or focusing too much on any one thing. (This logic also applies to moderation with alcohol, sugar, caffeine and the like.) This philosophy keeps the monotony at bay, and emphasizes flexibility—for scheduling, for fitness goals, for sanity. If I expect too much of myself with all the competing priorities, it’s a set-up for disappointment, and back-sliding.
Staying excited – This is probably obvious, but wellness should be FUN. Not amusement park-fun, just fundamentally enjoyable. Being well—physically, financially, professionally—allows tremendous leeway to enjoy your life, so I do my best to work in time for the activities I love, like reading, skiing and working on home projects. We finally were able to take a ski vacation this spring, and I’m not sure what was more beneficial: the physical work of skiing a big mountain like Breckenridge, the pleasure of seeing friends for dinner in the evenings, or the joy of helping my toddler get her ski on for the first time. These are the big moments we’re working for—rather than working to work.
How I Keep It Together to Stay Well:
Sleep, asking for help when I need it, planning ahead for when I’ll need help later (“help-banking”), and sticking with the things I love. I recently took up tennis again after playing competitively while growing up, only to learn that the game has totally changed—which means I have to re-learn every single stroke. I had a brief pity party about all this before realizing that this is just one giant metaphor for life: it stays challenging, and many of those challenges are gifts for personal growth.
What Inspires Me:
Purpose. On occasion I find myself thinking, “we’re not exactly changing the world here,” as I tee up a media release or spend a few hours working on a tagline for a commercial product. Working for a company that’s a Certified B Corp allows me to align purpose across my personal and professional life, and really does help in keeping me excited about the work each day, in spite of the challenges of pandemic parenthood. I also find purpose as a board member for a regional healthcare nonprofit, the Healthcare Foundation Northern Sonoma County, which has done a lot of good particularly this past year in getting much-needed funds to frontline organizations helping with COVID relief in my backyard. Re-centering myself in my purpose—which evolves over time for all of us—is a really great check-in whenever I’m feeling under-motivated or adrift.
A Quote I Love:
"No [wo]man is an island" (bracketed text mine) – John Donne (or Jon Bon Jovi, if you’re a fan of Hugh Grant and Nick Hornby)
You can connect with Courtney on Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn.
This Week's Reminder:
A short meditation or resource to help you maintain a sense of balance in an otherwise busy headspace.
Ammi’s Adventures: A 4-Minute Meditation for Kids – Mindful.org
This engaging meditation uses the energy and imagery of leaves to foster inner connection and emotional regulation. Follow the guided practice and join your child on a mindful adventure.
Shop our ABG Merchandise
Hydration, safety and style are all possible with ABG Merch.
The offerings are a small list of high quality items that we have road-tested and reviewed, and hope they help support your self-care, while staying hydrated, safe, and stylish! Check it out here >>
