Setting Boundaries and Other Herculean Feats
The decision of Simone Biles this week at the Tokyo Olympics to withdraw from the US Olympics gymnastics team is, to me, one of the most inspiring feats in athletic history.
We cannot truly comprehend the pressure the 24-year-old world champion was under, or the immense complexity behind her decision to choose personal health over performance, at a time when the world’s eyes are on one of the biggest moments of her career.
Her decision may seem incomprehensible, but may Biles’ actions also serve as the most visible inspiration to anyone who has ever needed that encouragement to decide in favor of their own health. May Biles’ decision inspire anyone to say, in their own way, stop.
Biles chose to set a very firm boundary in the most public of forums. And that alone takes immense courage.
The topic of boundaries came up in conversation recently with a friend and ABG Community member who is struggling with setting boundaries around managing their wine consumption as a professional in our industry. The constant pressure and expectation of their role in wine sales and the eating, tasting and, often, sharing a glass with clients that is expected of the role.
Day in and day out.
Recognizing their struggle to find a way back to their own vital health and wellbeing, coupled with the realization that setting better boundaries, was their first step.
Recently, I needed my boundaries to be made public in order to hold myself accountable. I shared my desire for better mindful drinking boundaries in the ABG story on the mid-year check in.
For many readers, reducing or abstaining from any wine or alcohol for 30 days is not a big deal, but for me, it felt Sisyphean. Setting strong boundaries helped me to voice what I really wanted, but hadn’t gotten quiet enough to tune in and hear. It gave me a new perspective, more room for discovery, and freedom to make choices I had been afraid to make for fear of judgement, or missing out.
So I took small steps. Politely declining a tasting invitation, for example, hitting the yoga mat instead of the wine bar, using smaller wine glasses for tasting, and asking for the non-alcohol list at a restaurant helped to cement my stance. Not surprisingly, the quality and consistency of my sleep improved, and I felt much more alert throughout the day’s when I abstained. I also found a new appreciation for small 100ml tasting bottles (thanks COVID tasting packs) and small XL5 tasting glasses. Small steps plus small bonuses.
In total, I managed 20 days alcohol free, and kept to one glass on those days when I did drink wine. It fell well short of any Olympic medal ranking, but it served well enough for my own efforts.
Through this process I also realized that I needed a mental break. So starting tomorrow I’m stepping away for two months from my day job and also, to some extent, from producing ABG content, to breathe.
It’s my way of saying stop. I recognize this is a rare opportunity in a culture where productivity and achievement is rewarded, so choosing to stop can be seen as failure. But I know that my gas tank is past empty, so it’s time to step back, plug-in and recharge with the love and support of friends and family.
My heart yearns to be sitting with my parents in their living room in South Australia, drinking pots of black tea as the rain falls hard on their tin roof. But with travel restrictions preventing that choice, instead it’s mini-trips across the US for cups of tea, some yoga practice, and a glass of wine.
While most of us can only dream of being an Olympic athlete, you can be your own gold medalist by making health and wellbeing a top priority for yourself and the people you love. Setting boundaries in any aspect of life is hard. But is necessary in order to preserve the greatest asset, ourselves.
We have just witnessed the decision of one extraordinary human being, fundamentally change the trajectory of what constitutes “success”, all played out on the world’s biggest stage.
Can setting and managing boundaries around health and wellbeing be your Olympic feat?
We think so, and we are here, cheering for you.
Namaste,
Beck
What We're Reading:
Here's what has piqued our interest this week in the world of wine and mindfulness.
Depression, Addiction, and the Restaurant Industry: McLean Hospital Video, featuring Kat Kinsman
The restaurant and hospitality industries are high-paced and high-stress—and have some of the highest rates of mental illness in any field.
4 Types of Workplace Culture: Which One Is Most Like Your Team? By Jen Fisher and Anh Phillips for Mindful.org
Picture the dynamics of your workplace according to how much it values well-being and strong relationships.
What a Children’s Book Taught Me (and My Students) About Grief, by Lauren McGovern for the Greater Good Science Center
Teaching sixth graders about grief helped teacher Lauren McGovern after the loss of her son.
The Case for Scheduling Everything, by Taylor Trudon for the New York Times
Workers want to have more control over their precious hours and avoid burnout. What if the secret is a calendar full of meetings as well as “me” time?
Meet the Community!
Here we meet some of the talented folks who make our community profession so dynamic.
Natalie MacLean, Wine Author, Educator, Podcaster, Ottawa, Ontario (Canada)
Years in the Industry:
I used to say that I started drinking when I met my husband (now ex), then started writing to make it look respectable. Twenty-three years later, I question my "boozy-jokey" shtick about wine. I thought I was making it more accessible, but was I encouraging over-consumption?
That's one of the questions in the memoir I'm writing now: Am I bringing more pleasure or pain into the world?
This is the inevitable follow-up to my first book Red, White and Drunk All Over: A Wine-Soaked Journey from Grape to Glass and second Unquenchable: A Tipsy Quest for the World's Best Bargain Wines. I also offer online wine and food pairing courses and host Unreserved Wine Talk.
I studied the Romantic Poets at Oxford University with Jonathan Wordsworth, then got an MBA. I worked at Procter & Gamble where I beat my head against the focus group glass as I watched women discuss how flaky their pie crusts were using Crisco. So I "pivoted" into a supercomputer company, SGI, in Mountainview, California, now the headquarters of Google.
Not exactly linear, but it makes sense to me now ;)
My Top Three Challenges to Wellness:
1. The Need to be Loved (a.k.a. perfectionism): This drives me to work too many hours and waste too much mental space based on what others will think.
2. Competitiveness: See perfectionism above.
3. Anxiety/Depression: This runs in my family, as does alcoholism. As my relatives have noted about my career choice: you're a moth to a flame.
How I Keep It Together to Stay Well:
1. Getting Older: This gives me a more merciful perspective.
2. Giving Grace: If I can forgive others, I can forgive myself.
3. Going Deeper: Excavating the past to make sense of the present and future. As William Faulkner said, the past is never dead, it's not even past.
What Inspires Me:
The stories of strong women, like those in this community, as well as memoirs by Glennon Doyle, Tara Westover and Jeannette Walls.
A Quote I Love”
You’ve always had the power, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself.” - Glinda, the Good Witch, to Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, L. Frank Baum, 1900
You can find Natalie's work at www.nataliemaclean.com, and email her at natdecants@nataliemaclean.com. She is on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn.
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